Oblige me please

I wrote this para long time back, i actually ope to meet someone special (have been hoping since 2007), & i won give up until i have met her & told my story, like all other human beings i might get de-motivated but i shall not give up the hope coz-” Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies”

i know my chances are slim, 
i know they are slim,
you probably don’t know i exist
but all i wanna say is a thank you, u helped me through the worst times
through times of pain,rejections,loneliness & suffering….i just imagined u
& i got comfort…i saw your eyes & can gladly die by remembering them
the circumstances i faced never allowed my love to be expressed…
i have been loyal without informing you..i am sorry for being so late
but i woke up just now…i met u in dreams…i just ask to make it true once…..

-the unknown lover….

Quitting Helps

QUITTING HELPS

 

 

this dream is so complex,i want to wake up

reality makes me laugh & world calls me mad

detachment i find gives more peace thn conquering

to live in a moment & plan a century is foolish

yet it is done every second

dont panic at trouble it teaches chapters unwritten

 

I struggle for desires & wail on acheiving them

for a symbol is not the goal,

the road is beautifull but only for travellers,

one may sigh for a moment but still has to run,

 

truth is not “light” its the self rediscovered,

for the mind is dark & deep, it needs help

things will be created, events will happen,

m least concerned about them

 

to have is not all, to lose is,

starting is also the end but only for realised one.

 

nothingness is so absolute it cannot be found

castles of shadow need not be conquered,

this game is so strange

you win when you quit,

quitting helps more than winning,

it destroys the burden of this world.

-Devansh sharma

 

Adieu 2012

ADieu 2012

 

oh little fellow

here is a thought

forget this world

& make one of yours

be the sun and the rain

of your own delight

 

 

look at the screen and hear your words

the play keeps on changing

like all other stuff

 

fill ur lungs

with a days romance

empty out all the judgement you had

 

dont trust the time

it just moves ahead,

stop craving for things

& let ur heart melt

 

in the great ocean of life

you shall find real pearls

 

if u take a stand

make it yours

 

trace this thought to the very source

people always grumble

ignore them all

have faith in thyself

for the future has no God

 

churn all misery

inside out

dance at the cries

thy ego makes

 

 

drink this wine

of perfect bliss

surrender your mind

to a greater self

 

you have a guru

and thats all you need

rest is all a dream

like the person who reads.

Astounded

Can god create something so astoundingly beautifull that it stuns your consciousness, it captures your mind held your breath & even in your dream you cant imagine anything alike it.

then you start to wonder if what you saw was real or not was it the magic of god or the potrait of love, slowly it dawns upon you that it was all you were looking for, time & space sweep by and all you can think is the moment you saw it, you become obsessed with it, the only question that arises it why? whats in it that attracts me? what is that element? it haunts you day & night, sometimes you wanna end it, delete the memory  but it aint so easy.

have you ever experienced “awe” have you ever been stunned to silence by something, some event gorgeous , indescribable? if yes then have you wondered what is in that, that which you cannot fathom?

i will like to quote some lines by Swami Vivekananda-

“How many times in this world we see a beautiful woman loving an ugly man? How many times we see a handsome man loving an ugly woman! What is the attraction? Lookers-on only see the ugly man or the ugly woman, but not so the lover; to the lover the beloved is the most beautiful being that ever existed. How is it? The woman who loves the ugly man takes, as it were, the ideal of beauty which is in her own mind, and projects it on this ugly man; and what she worships and loves is not the ugly man, but her own ideal. That man is, as it were, only the suggestion, and upon that suggestion she throws her own ideal, and covers it; and it becomes her object of worship. Now, this applies in every case where we love.”

the ideal of beauty is the real beauty in life, something might look gorgeous to someone & utterly ugly to another person, it shows the perception is not passive its an active form of creation, the eyes with which you see actually create the world which you believe to exist, the above concept has been known to man since ages but only un-consciously, now it is time to awaken to reality, to see the inner beauty in you which makes other stuff beautifull, there is a light within you which makes perception possible, the source of that light is full of beauty,love, affection, if by any chance a person ever catches a glimpse of that source he will not be able to forget it even if he dies, so instead of craving to visit beaches & snow capped mountains try to see the beauty within, you will be astonished forever.

Financial Detectives- A world unknown.

We all think we know a lot of the world (or we believe to know) some may even go on to say they know that they know everything!!!

In saying that we know a lot of the world i am just referring to the “common” world the layman relates to, truly if seen in detail the world is too large to be known completely in a lifetime from physics of the revolving electrons to the relationships between human beings to the melodic tunes of the music, every subject is vast as the other mastering even a specific part of a single subject is difficult.

Now coming back to the topic, the word detective gives everyone an adrenaline rush ( not counting poor illiterates) an image of a black clothed person come to mind with his face covered with a mask & hands by gloves. We all have read stories of detectives in our childhood how they save the day how they prevent wars, how they are so secretive that their families dont know of their real job etc. A lot of hollywood movies have been made on this topic be it mission impossible, or 007 movies all have one thing in common, the awe with which world perceives them, many dream of getting such a high action job.

Now what if i tell you that i was a detective that i worked for an unknown organization, that i helped prevent crimes, will you think of me as a samurai? or as a regular guy working 9-5 in a international firm.

Well if you thought of a samurai you are in for a loss coz i did something most guys dont know of, leave alone how it is done. I worked a 8.5 hour job, 5 days a week, i was paid monthly though there were no holidays except for weekends & i worked for  an international firm, the only thing common in a story book detective & me were that i can not take names, i cant disclose what exactly i did, what my real designation was & whom did i report to, i still cant do it even though i resigned months ago.

My job was exciting & very risky, i helped prevent crimes of a special types, crimes of identity, of financial transactions & information sharing, it had nothing to do with hacking if thats what you are guessing. The job interview was also quote normal except that i wasnt told of the real job, i had about 5 rounds of different interviews  only in the last round was i told that my job will be to check money flows & a little about account privacy, by the end of the day i was happy that i had got a good job, they gave me an offer letter made me sign some documents & i am a happy guy, so i went ahead & joined my job, i had a 2 days orientation where i also met others who had joined with me, none of us had a clue of what was awaiting us on the work floor, then he had our grand training, grand in the sense that we were told everything one needs to know to survive the job, in the next few weeks were taught about our tools etc etc

But it was on the job floor that I realised that a completely different world of financial detectives exists, guys who put tremendous efforts in making risks decisions ( deadly for them, risky for society) ,normal chaps you would encounter in your city travel.

I never knew that every transaction made can be traced, every human being can be searched for, that every human leaves behind an un-erasable trace, the trace & may be very weak but everyone can be enquired about, no one can hide, sitting on a office chair drinking pepsi you can see detail of every active person, you cant use the information to get him out or in trouble.

The job was great but i had some complaints about it- it didnt pay well compensation was peanuts compared to the work we had to do, secondly it was highly risky like sitting on a gunpowder scared of a single spark of light & lastly even the difficulty was becoming regular the thrill that i got for doing the job was starting to diminish, i guess even bond will become bored if he goes on more mission of similar types.

 

Passionless Fire

Passionless fire

Hi guys,
Here i am posting my poem its quite short but i wrote it to a point & i always mean what i write, words are strongest force in the world & i use them with care, they travel far & wide, not only in distance but also in time, the moment you think/speak anything you transform your energy in powerful though waves which will travel the whole universe until they find their recipient-a mind that can harbor them, every word & though will produce its effect sooner or later.

PASSIONLESS FIRE

i am tired of the lies & all the ties,

this world just ain’t enough for me,

i respect no truths no power,

i don’t believe in help coz i cant be fooled again,

i am tired of appreciating the beauty of this ugliness,

this body of flesh & bones means nothing to me, what i truly seek is what i already have,

yet this frustration of getting more will burn my mind,

freedom ain’t enough for me, i want total control,

power does not satisfy me what i seek is divinity,

no reward,no appreciation & no compensation can pay for the damages life costs me,

do hell with all philosophies & guidelines,

i need strength & i shall have it,its my birth-right………

 

 

A little explanation of what you just read

Here the title explains all, passionless fire- it means an urge a motive but without any desire.Often people use the word”passion” without understanding what it really is, one is often to told to use the same word in interviews.We like to think that we are very “passionate” about something , some work, some ambition & hence we can give our best & achieve it, but we forget that we are not perfect, most of us complete doctorates in different subjects without even understanding our own self- we take so much for granted, we think we know so much of the working of our mind but do we?
What is passion?
Its is defined as a very strong feeling/emotion for a person or thing, immediately it creates in the mind an image of extreme action, of desire,  love. One is compelled to think that it is via desire-emotion that the best work can be done, but i disagree strongly, i say that with no desire , no passion is the best result produced the best effort put in. strange?
Give a moment-think about doing something just for the sake of it, doing it as your duty think on this topic read the poem carefully.

Can you think of a time when you did something out of any expectation, without a sense of earning something out of it, have you ever questioned the driving force behind your actions, can any amount of currency every translate work into money? can fame or recognition do it? You might feel “paid” for your efforts or compensated but does that compensation cancel out your efforts?  ponder over- give attention to your actions, dont undermine attention, attention is love itself. if you attend to anything, any person or event it means you love it.

 

Work struggle level 1 over

Hi guys my name is Devansh, here i tell you a little story of my career struggle

Like everyone else I want to to get rich & what a better way than getting those big packages one gets from top B schools, but I want to get MBA from US not from India for many reasons, if you research about US MBA you will find that all of them require a min of 2-3 years of exp & the avg class work exp is 5+, so I had to get a good 5 years experience for getting in a good US b-school, secondly I had have enough of studies in my graduation & I wanted to see reality of job life. Thirdly I wanted not only to mug MBA books in management but to learn practically what is really management, I wanted to appreciate subjects like management, finance, operations that everyone speaks of , I wanted to see how things actually happen in real life, how big corporates really work.

When I graduated I was 20 years old & wasn’t eligible for any exam like PO/UPSC as min age is 21 in all of these, & I had already at hand 3 offer letter from my campus placement but I didn’t like any of that & went for a financial profile in Barclays, I got a job as Process Advisor, my designation being FSO(financial sanctions officer), when I joined Barclays I had no idea what my job really was, while in training I got to know that its in one of the riskiest job in international banking, I had to perform anti money laundering operations of Barclays, which means that just 1 wrong decision & you are fired, the job wasn’t tough in starting but required hell lot of attention, accuracy, knowing & applying sanction laws , I was comfortable in starting & performed quite well, I was even promoted to the 3^rd  (final) level of this process, I was shocked at this as the L3 advisor in that process is like a detective job, you can not only be fired but also be prosecuted for a single mistake, by this time I had turned 21. One day one colleague of mine told me that he is resigning as he has become assistant manager in UBI bank, i knew of the PO exams as my father is at IAS level post in GOI  but I didn’t knew of learning opportunities in Indian banks & of the massive hiring,  so after being motivated from my colleagues success & evaluating my strategy I resigned from Barclays. Initially I thought I had kept a time frame of 3 months for PO exam preparation, I bought some BSC  books, asked about various coaching institutes, I joined one institute called Paathshaala in south ex market.

I took some classes there but I found them useless as the teachers weren’t professional , they couldn’t solve my doubts, luckily before leaving that institute I contacted one guy who had given reasoning class on a particular day as a substitute, I called him asked him to guide me, his name was Aman  & had himself qualified as PO in SBI 3 years back but out of foolishness left the job & now he was preparing for PO exams again & had started coaching as a part time job.

I took about 30 classes from him, he had learnt some unknown short cut tricks from some other chap & told me those happily (for $$ though) , during all this time I was gruelling myself studying everyday about 6-8 hours,  I had a bit problem in GK as I forgot most names, I was good in reasoning & maths but lacked the much needed speed, I used to worry about the same a lot as my 3 months time was coming to an end.

During this time I gave 3 PO exams, (Allahabad bank, Andhra bank & IOB) & I didn’t expect call from any one of them as i hadn’t completed by syllabus. By the end of 3 months I had completed the syllabus but lacked speed also notification for SBI,SBI ASSOC,IBPS was out which were gonna held in September so instead of resuming work life I decided to give IBPS,SBI exams as these were the main exams, I found that studying at home wasn’t easy & I got distracted easily so daily I went to a library nearby to study, I used to pack lost od books in my bag to the bursting point & travel about 5 km on bike to the library, I used to take difficult topics & coach myself on them, gradually I developed skill in handling nearly all types of questions, I also joined mock tests series of mahendras which I found very effective, but I had a problem that though I could solve all types of ques separately wid speed & accuracy  I was able to solve them for 3 hours like in exam, so I forced myself using all strength to solve complete the papers this was a very tiring affair & I did only 2 tests a day, I bought nearly all competition magazine for bank PO practice & also bought all BSC books, I was aiming to get in SBI PO exam as it’s the toughest & I had finally an edge over most candidates, but in the exam day of SBI I got a little disoriented as I gave too much importance to reasoning, solving all reasoning ques but leaving no time for marking my answers on OMR sheet, I was devastated.

I promised to cover for my silly mistake by cracking SBI ASSOC exam wid very high marks, my SBI ASSOC paper went awesome!!! I was delighted & confident of my call in that exam, so after easing for few days I started to prepare for IBPS exam, on the same day I was returning home for studying that I met with a major accident , I was lucky to survive but I experienced the worst pain ever, my left leg femur bone cracked apart in many parts as a vehicle from behind hit leg at high speed, I had to go immediate surgery & was bed ridden , but I couldn’t afford failing in IBPS just of an accident so I started practising again while in bed, I had to struggle a lot during that time as I couldn’t move my legs on my own, on the exam day I sat on a separate chair wid my legs on other benches in a separate  room, my IBPS exam was good but I didn’t give much importance to descriptive paper as I knew it was easy & my English was good ( though handwriting is terrible). After about 1.5 month of IBPS exam I was able to walk again!!!! I felt as I had been born again, I learnt how short life can be & not to postpone any important tasks, many which I had been postponing for many years!!!

Now I have been selected in IOB(Indian overseas bank) as assistant manager & I feel that my efforts have paid of, I have qualified for SBI ASSOC interview, I scored 186 in IBPS!!!! But some nerd gave me less than 24 in descriptive & so I haven’t qualified in it. Stage 1 struggle over!!!

I will share in a separate post of why PO? about this particular job & another post of my brief history.

First blog- first poem

Well i have finally started blogging, i had been planning this for quite a time & thats what delayed it, i was just planning too much, so now as the hindi saying goes- “Jo hoga dekha jaayega” i will blog about random topics, not much structured although every blog will be detailed & may follow with appropriate successor , but hey this is life its unpredictable, so without wasting any more time i give you my first poem.

Now you may think of me as a little strange for not introducing myself & all but that just not me, i dont like flakiness- introduction being one of them, sure i will tell you about myself ( even things about yourself if you read carefully) but not in along boring post, i will share few insights, stories & opinions and you will know me very well.

So here goes the poem- i wrote it an a boring saturday afternoon, hope you like it. If you got any opinions, any comment or questions free feel to fire them.

 

 

MOLECULE OF SELF

what is so dissatisfying,

why is this frustration,

why this gloomliness,

where has all the action gone,

where is your goal,

why suffer,

where has the life gone,

why is there this urge to be,

why be different,

cancel all the plans,speak not of love,

self respect needs no achievement,

motivation needs no reward,

help needs no hand,

power needs no words,

let things be,try to observe the observer,

never belong,never evaluate,search no answers

help yourself,only u can do so,

try quitting once,waste a little

smile a dozen,laugh out a cry,

delete all beliefs,

the self can never be stolen,

love can never be endangered

actions give rise to reason,

 

try to fake a smile till u can,

but tears will come,

they are the sons of passion,

life will hurt,dreams will be broken but still they will remain dreams,

make the line of reality & dream blurr,

try being formless, try remaining awake & u will find its all a dream….

 

desire got no aim,

there aint no world its just your mind,

others are just the reflection of yourself,

you are the creator of this mirage,it must dissolve in you,

starting & ending are no milestones,

happiness can be found even in dreams, search for knowledge in reality,

never give meaning to songs,

search for no master you are all there ever was,

make strength outlast weakness….

—THE END–

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